It’s odd that so many men wish they were bigger and you’d be surprised how many women actually do want their men smaller. You are not alone! I recall having a boyfriend who was extra large and wish I knew then what I do now! 😉
It sounds like your man is patient and experienced with helping his partner become aroused to take him in fully. That is certainly key. The vagina is a very ‘stretchable’ canal. If you’ve had children, you know what it is capable of doing!
One of the best things you can do is to not think about it. In fact, when you are ‘thinking’, the part of your brain that enjoys sexual response and stimulation isn’t engaged so you need to do your best to go with the flow and simply enjoy the experience. You’ll probably find that after you make love the first time, most of your concerns will melt away. What can you do to help them melt away before you even begin? I know it is easier said than done so I offer you some tips to help you feel more confident that this will go smoothly.
It sounds like your man is warm and caring and wants nothing more than to please you and ensure you are satisfied. Another secret is to have you reach orgasm before you even consider penetration since this way, you know you’ll be aroused 😉 If you don’t allow any penetration until you are practically (not literally) begging for it, you should be aroused enough and ‘open’ enough to handle things. After orgasm is a great time for penetration!
When arousal occurs, the vaginal walls swell, become engorged with blood and get lubricated and everything shifts around to allow for penetration. You also want to ensure that you have a water soluble lubricant handy since, as we age, we naturally lubricate less. Don’t be concerned about adding a natural lubricant to your existing juices. You can’t have too much slipperiness and it will make things easier and more pleasurable for you both.
As for positions, you have a few options. Any position where you are in control of the penetration will help you feel more confident which is less likely to have you tense (and tighten) up. So if you were to lay on top of him with your tummies together and your pubic bone on his belly button (remember to have already applied some extra lubrication before you get on top of him) and then slowly slide yourself down to meet his penis. You can look into his eyes and feel his caring arms around you and slowly lower yourself and perhaps rub your clitoris against him or grind a little to get him excited and increase your breathing and just imagine how long you’ve waited and how great this will feel. You don’t have to go any further or deeper than you want to. You may simply have his penis at your vaginal opening while you stimulate your clitoris and get yourselves each hot and excited. You may find that if you bring yourself to orgasm this way, you my slide even deeper because you want him inside you when you orgasm. Just be open to all the possibilities and relax with it and don’t pressure yourself. Imagine for a moment if you do this and orgasm laying on top of him, how erotic do you think that will be for him to experience with you?
You can also try to find a dildo that is approximately his size and experiment with it when you masturbate. You’ll need to ensure that you are really aroused though. We don’t often get as aroused when we’re alone as we do with our partners 🙂 This may help you build your confidence as well.
You can try spooning where he lies behind you and approaches you from the back since he can’t go as deep that way. You also have control with your legs and body to move into a more comfortable position. You can try the man on top missionary position but have your legs straight down between his so again, he can’t go very deep. You can also be on your tummy laying down with him on top of you like a flat doggie style but you have much less control with this so wait until you’ve had some experience with him 🙂
One more position is for you to be on top but laying on your back so your backside is on his tummy and then he can’t go as deep and you have the control and you have your hands free to stimulate your clitoris too.
Remember that making love doesn’t always involve intercourse. You can masturbate each other and still have a fabulous intimate, mind blowing experience with no penetration at all! Just have fun with it!
As for oral sex, the main goal is NOT to have all of him in your mouth, but to make love to his penis by licking, sucking, fondling, playing with lubricant (I love flavoured lube for this) and generally making him feel good. If you fell good and are treating his penis like a delicious ice cream and involve your hands, tongue, mouth and even other body parts (perhaps a quick breast or foot slide up and down) then I can assure you, he will LOVE it! Don’t forget his perineum, testicles, belly button, buttocks, nipples and any other area of his body that he enjoys getting licked, nibbled or caressed. You can’t go wrong and you can only improve!
We have some great flavoured lubricants (here under Tasty Treats http://www.lionessforlovers.com/shop/) and even an audio CD to help you tap into your sensual side so you boost your sexual self-confidence in any situation (here under Lioness Exclusives http://www.lionessforlovers.com/shop/)
So trust your vagina to stretch, ensure you’re turned on by at least one orgasm, have lots of foreplay, lots of lubricant, maybe do some practice on your own, get creative with positions where you are in control and above all, relax and have fun!
Passionately,
Kim Switnicki, ACC
Sex Educator & Intimacy Coach for Women
Rediscover your passion for sex and have a juicy marriage that lasts!
250.753.8692
www.kimswitnicki.com
Author of “Great Sex for Hard Times” and “G-Spot PlayGuide: 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven!”
Free Report here on the Top 10 Ways to be a Sexier, more Confident Woman
Hello, and thanks for the article.
I have tried many of those techniques, but my problem is that my boyfriend’s penis is about 4 inches too long, and my vaginal canal cannot get another 4 inches longer. It is very short, and my boyfriend has a very long penis. I can accommodate his girth but not his length.
Any suggestions?
Thanks,
KZ
The position options mentioned will help as he cannot go too deep. Any position that limits his full penetration will make him appear ‘shorter’ 🙂
I’m quite new to sex, so is my BF, and he has a penis which is thicker than mine or his wrist, we’ve tried long foreplay, that is him going down on me, not me on him as I can’t fit anything of his in my mouth. Loads of lube, but it still wouldn’t go in.
I figured that it was because he doesn’t get as hard as a guy with a smaller penis, so o tried getting him a cock ring but there was none that fit, in the end i got some thin latex tubing, that we tied it off with, this made hime really hard, but EVEN thicker and longer, but it worked to have sex, but it hurt like hell and I got torn!
So now I’m afraid of what to do next…
I wonder why it hurts each time we try tho. I mean I am fully aroused and dripping wet but when the head is it, its like it cant go any further and feels extremely tight and abit pain. Its not my muscles I think because if I try to squeeze my pelvic floor muscle I still can, and then I release them. Or when I push out as I have read online, still wont work.
He is around 6 cm wide tho and I am a virgin (maybe not anymore since I got the head in). I am 28 and before this never put anything inside me, not even a tampon. So I started using tampons, at first this was very hard but now very easy :). I decided to practice more for myself, I tried with an object around 3 cm thick and it went in quite far. Then I tried with a dildo, around 4 cm but only the head can go in again… maybe a litte further, so around 6cm. I tried 4 times so far but I am going to keep on practicing and get used to it.
I hope in this way to be able to have sex with him cause I really want it. Damn vagina :p Why cant sex just be easy and fun.
I hope he is not too big for me 🙁 I am a tall girl tho, 1m76. But I heard that has nothing to do with how big your vagina is. Maybe it’s just tight after 28 years of non-penetration.
Update!
I practiced more and more and was able to bring in a dildo 14cm around for 15 cm depth! 😀 I am really happy now lol. Took me a while to practice tho! At first I had even issues with 1 finger.
So for all the girls who are like that: there is hope!
You should NEVER do anything sexual that hurts or is uncomfortable. Especially with anal sex, pain often indicates potential tears and these are then sites for possible infection or disease entry. You need to go super slow and perhaps try using dildos of various sizes while you prepare your anal opening to take something larger. Always does this as a pleasurable event and stop with discomfort. You may also want to consider other ways of pleasuring each other. As with hetero sex, intercourse is not the be all and end all of lovemaking! Good luck to you both.
Are there donuts or bumper rings that can be worn on the penis to prevent deep penetration?
Dry, cracked or flaky penis skin is another inconvenient and unpleasant issue down there. Thankfully, there are penis health cremes available that will clear up any minor skin irritation while keeping the penis skin moisturized and smooth. These cremes are safe, effective and easy to use. Really good stuff.
Yes, there are plain rubber and silicone rings of various sizes and styles and some even have small vibrating portions so that your female partner can be pleasured additionally. You’ll need to experiment (which can be fun!) with different ones to see what works best for you. You can also use your hand or a few fingers at the base (or your partner’s fingers) to wrap around and prevent full penetration. This does require some extra co-ordination and communication, but can add a level of comfort and reassurance for you both.
As one who is on the long side, I know the situation well. Not all vagina’s are as deep as others naturally and it can cause discomfort putting it all inside. And this is taking all precautions..making sure she is well aroused, well lubricated, and me taking it slow. You just can’t always get around the anatomy. In those situations the girl just has to decide if I’m worth going through it or not. My experience is if the relationship is built on a solid foundation and not just sex, she will make the sacrifice and accept it.
I agree with you, although most women’s vaginas are the same size. You may have found that you can go deeper the more aroused she is as that is when her vagina tilts a but allowing for deeper penetration. Also, some women prefer deeper stimulation than others. Always best to experiment with other positions and other activities. Penetrative intercourse is not the only option!